Wildflower

Purple…sensitive, esteemed, vigilant.
Pink…feminine, soft, delicate.
White…pure, true, sincere.
Red…passionate, charmed, brave.
Blue…subtle, deep, soothing.

I am a wildflower amidst a field of green.
My color changes with the wind, the sun, the rain.
My roots are planted in the richest loving soil.
My petals spread out like an embrace.

The wind fills my breath.
The sun nourishes my soul.
The rain quenches my thirst.

I am thirsty. He is my thirst.
I am hungry. He is my hunger.
I am found. He is my keeper.
I am a wildflower. He seeks me.

He seeks to pluck me from the soil into his loving hands.
In his hands…will He protect me?
Or will I yearn for the soil that strengthens me?

I seek beauty, splendor, freedom, joy…I am a wildflower.
Will He place me in an exquisite porcelain vase for the world to glorify?
But sustain me from my wind, my sun, my rain?
Or will He find His place beside me…in the wilderness?

Wild in the fields of green…
Playing, basking, loving under the sun…
Feeling, tasting, savoring the droplets of rain…
Chastising, satiating, calming the wind…
I will be His thirst, His hunger, His keeper.

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The Question about Love

Love is overrated, underestimated, misunderstood, overacted…
Love is a question in itself that’s unexplainable, unfathomable, incredible!
There are three kinds of love…holistic, platonic and toxic.
I love this dress, my car, those shoes, that place…holistic love for material things.
Love for a friend, a parent, a sibling…can be characterized as platonic love.
Toxic love…now that is the question.

It’s difficult to put into words something that can only be felt.
You can use a multitude of meanings, catch phrases, metaphors, synonyms, proverbs…but still end up at a loss for words.
The feeling is a cross between physical, emotional, spiritual and logical…although ‘logical’ plays a minimal role.

Why is it toxic? Because it consumes you, divulges you, seeps into your very being like a venomous poison.
Yet, knowing this we allow ourselves to feel it…with all our senses…
We taste it, hear it, smell it, touch it, see it…but with the sight of the blind.
We keep ourselves open to the risk because the feeling is so unreal…

It’s seductive, it’s inductive, it’s productive…and antagonistic.
It gives you reason when there is no reason,
It gives you hope when there is no hope.
Then it gives you sorrow, suffering, pain, disillusionment,
But this love is so great that no amount of sorrow, no test of suffering, no extent of pain, no gravity of disillusion can exceed the heights of passion, dedication, adoration…

Love is not about working towards not hurting the person you love, it’s about being human and working towards making up for all the hurt.
Love is not about trying not to make your special someone cry, it’s about being there to kiss away the tears.

Love makes the little things seem the most important:
The butterflies in your stomach when he smiles,
The beat that skips in your heart when you see him frown,
The rapid thumping in your chest when he kisses you ‘hello,’
The smile that forms on your lips when you hear your favorite song,
The tingles up and down your spine when he braces the small of your back,
The goosebumps surfacing your skin when he touches your hand,
The dizziness you experience when you miss him,
The ‘first time’ effect whenever you see him again…

All these come first to fancy dinners, trips out of town, movie tickets, expensive gifts…
Love is never about convenience, obligation, reputation, society…
Love is: ‘You and Me against the World.’
Toxic love…how do you find it? You don’t, you just feel it!
You’ll know…butterflies, tingles, goosebumps…venomous poison…you’ll know.

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Infinite shores...Cascading waves...

Cascading waves amidst vast ocean waters...permitting distance across expanses of land...continents stretched out before infinite shores...like memories that live endlessly...ressurected in silent reverie...the melodramas of life...I reach out my hand to touch the intangible air...thoughts are tossed into the wind...distance holds no bounds...only time will tell...when not just thoughts...when my hand shall touch yours once more...

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You

She sits alone on her bed
It’s a cold rainy night
Before her is a journal
That tells a story of a love so right.
There are letters from him
That have been read times over
And photographs; images of their closeness
That seemed like centuries past.
Her mind is filled with memories
Of the love that they behold.
But between them is a distance
A distance that keeps them apart
The only power keeping them together
Is the bond between their hearts.
She closes her eyes
And a scene crosses her mind
Like a favorite movie
She’s watched many a time.
He takes her hand in his
And plants a gentle kiss
He holds her in a tender embrace
And they come together in immortal bliss.
He looks into her eyes
Says he could want nothing more than this
He caresses her hair
Says he’ll love her forever
She believes the truth he speaks.
Then she opens her eyes
And feels a dampness on her cheek
She looks into the mirror
And sees the vision of me...

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And the award goes to...

Helplessly, Carelessly, Hopelessly...
I am driven to solitude
The spotlight is on me
The stage is my life
And in my hand I hold the Oscar
The Academy watches me as I make my speech
I smile…they nod
I laugh…they applaud
I sing…a standing ovation
I dance…the crowd goes wild
Then the spotlight dies
I find myself stripped
Naked in their eyes
The smile is gone
The laughter just an echo
My vocal chords go coarse
My body goes weak…
And I fall
They come and try to save me
But nobody can
I don't want to be saved
Yes, I need a savior
I need my hero till the end of the night
I’m in a straight jacket
I want to reach out with arms wide open
But I cannot…
It’s just me…
Helpless, Careless, Hopeless.

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Kiss me...Kill me...

Silk, Lace, Satin…
Dark room, Dimmed lights, Scented candles…
Soft music, Erotic beats, Sensual rhythms…
Dreams, Fantasies, Disillusions…
Alone, in the center of the universe
It moves my body, stimulates my mind, stirs my soul
I dance, starting from my toes, the rhythm slowly making its way up my legs
It surges through my thighs, rises to my hips
Climbs to my waist, like fingertips discovering every crevice of my body
Escalates to my chest, where the music beats in harmony with my heart
Touches my lips, as the lyrics escape from my vocal chords
I close my eyes, as my head moves side to side, in tandem with my whole being
I run my hands through my hair, each strand slipping through my fingers
Adrenaline rush, the blood seers hotly through every vein in my body
Sweat, begins to slide, down my skin,
And dissolves, emanating the scent of passion fruit from my perfume
The rhythm gradually gets faster, and my body follows suit
The beat quickens, it has no mercy, it pulses through my heart
I want to stop, but I can’t
The heat levitates, smothering my body with kisses
My skin tries to endure the pain, as it grows red, damp
I turn around, I’m feeling dizzy, but I can’t stop
The candles fall, the flames kiss my skin
I scream, but I can’t stop the dance of rapture
The dance with danger, the dance with death
And I fall to the ground…the flames grow hungry and consumes me
I need to flee, I need to save myself…
The fire scorches every inch of my naked body
I am naked because there is nothing left of me
Kiss me…Kill me…
Until there is no more me…Just ashes…
Ashes of a girl who was once alive, living, breathing, loving…

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Hide & Seek

This is a story about a boy and girl...

There was once a boy and girl. They met on a playground through common friends. Eventually they began to spend more time playing together and started to like each other very much. They would always play...on the playground, in the park, on the beach, and stuff themselves with burgers and fries at the nearest diner when they grew hungry later. They were happy, as any young boy and girl would be together. They would walk hand in hand and even their friends could see that they were inseparable.

One day, they decided to play hide and seek in a vast field of green and wildflowers. The girl closed her eyes and counted...1, 2, 3, 4, 5...while the boy went to find a place to hide. In his search for the best hiding spot the boy came across a squirrle rummaging in the grass. Sparked by interest the boy held out his hand to touch the squirrle as he had never seen one before. Alerted, the squirrle jumped and ran off. The boy chased after the squirrle until he got tired of running. He stopped at a large oak tree and when he looked up he saw a nest among the branches. Out of curiousity he determinedly climbed up the tree to see if there was a bird inside the nest. He discovered that the nest was filled with eggs. Delighted, he counted them one by one...1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.

By this time the girl had been frantically searching for the boy and was becoming impatient as she couldn't find him. She called out his name, louder and louder but there came no response. She looked behind big rocks, tall trees, and bushes but he was nowhere to be found. Suddenly afraid and lonely she sat herself beside a tree, buried her face in her hands and started to weep. Her tears came in gasps. She felt lost and wished he would stop hiding. He had always loved playing hide & seek.

It began to grow dark and still the boy had not come out of hiding. The girl sat up and made up her mind to just walk back to where she had started counting as he might have already sneaked passed her and reached 'home.' He often liked to pull a fast one on her. But when she returned to 'home' he was not there. She decided to wait some more in the hopes that he would show up. An hour later, still no sign of him. But she wouldn't leave until she fell asleep on the grass.

She was awoken by the rustling of grass. She stood upright and there he was. He stood there with his hands behind his back and looking sad. 'I'm sorry' he said. 'I didn't mean to be gone so long. There were just so many interesting things out there and I couldn't resist.' She bowed her head in sorrow and a tear trickled down her cheek. 'It was so exciting that I lost track of time. I kept wanting to explore...more and more.'

'Then why did you come back?' the girl asked, forlorn.

'Because I found this.' He extended his hand and held out a pearl-white flower to her. 'There was so much around me...so many things I could see, touch, feel...and I was lost in the experience of it all...then in the midst of a withering brush was this white flower. And I found my way back home...'

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Take me...

Take me...to a place with never-ending sunsets
Take me to a place where the waters are always crystal clear
Take me to a place where promises are unspoken so never to be broken
Anywhere but here...anywhere but here...

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LOST...

Have you ever found yourself lost...so suddenly...so soon...so fast...when all your life you knew where you were going...what you wanted...and then you wake up one morning to find it has all gone...blown away by the wind. You try to run...you try to catch up to it...but it just keeps flying farther and farther away from you...and then you find yourself in a place that seems too familiar but yet you feel that you're not a part of it. You refuse to be a part of it anymore...refuse to accept it...because your heart cannot fathom the thought that once your haven of comfort...is now the bearer of your broken dreams. Who do you tell...when you have so much to say...but can't. How can you sleep when there is no hope of dreaming. And if all was just a dream...then how cruel could fate be that it disturbed your peaceful slumber...and forced a reality that was too much to bear...a reality greater than death itself. Is it true...that too much love will kill you...in the end? I pray not...Do You hear me?

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I want to be...

I want to be the face…
…you lay your eyes upon before sleep dawns in
I want to be the dreams…
…that obsesses your subconscious valley
I want to be the first vision…
…your mind conceives in the waking morn
I want to be the reality…
…that enlightens you with every truth
I want to be the air…
…that gives you the breath of life
I want to be the love…
…that fills the recesses of your heart
I want to be the heart…
…that beats as one with yours
I want to be the touch…
…that soothes your every anxiety and every ache
I want to be the voice…
…that whispers the words that elevate your mind
I want to be the eyes…
…that hold your gaze, looking deep into your soul
I want to be the hands…
…that possess your own in mine
I want to be the lips…
…that tastes your kisses
I want to be the one you miss…
…when distance separates us
I want to be the one you desire…
…to hold when out of reach
I want to be the one you need…
…to relieve sadness or uncertainty
I want to be to you, all that I can be…
…so will you let me be the one?

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The telephone rings...

Embers glow in the fireplace.
Flames are set ablaze.
Its radiance paints the room,
A soft golden.
Christmas lights twinkle,
On the five-foot tall tree.
Presents sit beneath,
Awaiting Christmas day.
A lonesome mistletoe,
Hangs from the ceiling.
A woman in solitude,
Lounges on an armchair.
It is way past bedtime,
The kids are fast asleep.
Not a sound can be heard,
Only the crackle of burning wood.
The telephone rings…

A cool breeze resides,
In the crisp morning air.
Blending with the scent
Of flowers in bloom.
Kids play gleefully,
Scrambling up the jungle gym,
Flying on high swings,
Running around.
The woman on the park bench,
Smiles, then gazes at her watch.
She calls out to them,
It’s time to go home.
An easy drive back,
To their house in the suburbs.
The kids jump out,
Race for the door.
The telephone rings…

She shields her eyes,
From a ray of sunlight.
Watches the kids on the beach,
Building sandcastles on the shore,
Chasing after each other,
Splashing about in the blue-green waters.
They return to her,
Tired from the day’s excitement.
It’s early in the afternoon,
The sun has reached its peak.
It’s too hot to stay outside,
So they head on home,
As soon as they arrive,
They make a beeline for the kitchen,
Chilled lemonade from the fridge,
Quenches their thirst.
The telephone rings…

A gloomy day.
From her bedroom window,
She absently counts,
Falling leaves of orange and red.
A heavy sigh,
Escapes her lips.
She lays her head on the pillow,
Touches the empty space beside her.
The telephone rings…
Eagerly she lifts the receiver to her ear.
A familiar warmth sweeps over her,
As she listens to the sound of his voice.
He has some news…some bad news.
He can't come home...again.
Tears spill over the rims of her eyes,
Her chest heaves with every breath she takes.
She says goodbye,
With all her love.
Hugging her knees to her chest,
She weeps.
Her children silently tiptoe into the room.
She looks up,
Gathers them in an ardent embrace,
Planting kisses on each of their foreheads.
She tucks them in under the sheets,
Sings them to sleep.
And tries to compensate for another year of solitude.

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My Only Sin

Another solitary night
I walk down a lonely street
The surroundings are familiar
Coz I’ve been here a thousand times before
I’m safer now
Than I am in the day
I can find my destination
Even if I close my eyes
I’m oblivious to the world
Underneath the black sky

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do

They’ll never understand
That with you I am home
They’ll never know
The beauty, the truth and the hope
If this is forbidden
To me it matters not
I will welcome damnation
For my only sin is love

Tonight I make my way to you
To our secret sanctuary
The world around me is but fiction
For you are my only reality
I draw closer now
My heart fills with warmth
I know you’re waiting for me
I’ll be in your arms soon
If this is wrong let me be
My conscience is clear

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do

They’ll never understand
That with you I am home
They’ll never know
The beauty, the truth and the hope
If this is forbidden
To me it matters not
I will welcome damnation
For my only sin is love

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Stranger to Me

The stranger boldly grins,
And looks at me with a flicker in her eyes.
She waves her jeweled hands,
As she flamboyantly speaks.
She narrates tales of adventures,
Of riches that she owns.
Of castles in the sky.
Of servants at her beck and call.
But she is living a lie.
She is being eaten away,
By a sickness that affects not the body,
But a sickness that defects the soul.
She has two faces: A beauty queen,
And a magician.
She lives two lives: A life of theatre,
And a life of crime.
She squanders wealth,
That is not her own.
She has a name,
That she ruthlessly disowns.
Guard your possessions,
Your purse. Your house. Your man.
From her prying hands.
Here one moment, gone the next.
I stare at the girl in the mirror,
I know her,
Like I know myself.
Yet, she is a stranger to me.

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Eternally

Last night I dreamt I lost you
I woke up in a cold sweat
But how could I lose
Someone I’ve never had
I’ve always been there
Cried in your time of sorrow
Smiled in times of joy
Loved you all these years
Yet to you I am nothing
Like the black heavens
Unworthy of your gaze
I watch over you as you sleep
I take in your every breath
Wish I could touch you
And my silent heart
Whispers words I could never say…

Your love is a journey
To a land of nowhere
With no bright light ahead
To guide the way
I’m lost in you
I’m lost with you
I see the danger
But I refuse to be swayed
Even to love you from a distance
Even to remain non-existent
I want to fall for you
Fall into the depths…eternally

I’m tired of being alone
But can never let you go
I’m in chains of steel
Insane, disillusioned
The devil in you
Your charm and devious ways
Your smile steals my soul
Tempts me to succumb
Though I know I cannot hope
I can only fear
One day you’ll go away
Without even knowing my name
I will always be that girl
Outside looking in
And my silent heart
Whispers words I could never say…

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If these walls could talk...

A ramshackle cabin lost in the woods.
Dark. Hidden. Abandoned.
A mold of wax sits on the window sill.
From a candle that died out some years ago.
To the eye of an observer…
A useless stack of wood.
In the eyes of the beholder…
Escape. Refuge. Bliss.
Inside, the stale aroma of decaying timber.
A worn-out mattress in one far corner.
Above it, a nail bolted into the wall.
Where a picture crookedly hangs.
If these walls could talk.
What a story it would tell.
A story of love forbidden.
A story I know so well.

A ramshackle cabin lost in the woods.
Where the lovers would meet.
A candle sits on the window sill.
Casting shadows on the walls inside.
It was there they made a lasting vow.
To love. To cherish. To return.
It was there they shunned out the world.
The distance. The obstacles. The doubt.
On the mattress they lay.
And awakened each dawn.
To say goodbye. To part ways.
To again succumb to the call of night.
If these walls could talk.
What a story it would tell.
A story of love forbidden.
A story I know so well.

A ramshackle cabin lost in the woods.
Where the lovers bid each other farewell.
The candle by the window sill.
Melted. Diminished. Died out.
Within these four walls.
They lay in complete darkness.
So neither would have to see the other cry.
To see the other walk away.
They made a binding promise.
That one day, someday, soon.
When the world would let them be.
To love. To cherish. To return.
If these walls could talk.
What a story it would tell.
A story of love forbidden.
A story I know so well.

A ramshackle cabin lost in the woods.
Dark. Hidden. Abandoned.
A mold of wax sits on the window sill.
From a candle that died out some years ago.
Slowly, I draw near and enter.
A whole different world.
A world of vivid memories.
Of escape. Of refuge. Of bliss.
I take the picture down from the wall.
A teardrop falls on the reflection.
Of lovers I had once known.
Lovers whose story has long since ended.
Then the door creaks open behind me.
And I stand my ground.
Footsteps echo towards me.
Patiently, I wait.
No confusion. No fear. No doubt.
A hand rests on my shoulder.
And I know who it is.
If these walls could talk.
What a story it would tell.
A story of love lost.
A story of love found.
A story I know so well.

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